covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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