She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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