so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize