Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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