So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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