hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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