did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize