ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
