His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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