M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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