Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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