Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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