I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
