but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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