He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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