Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
