i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
