Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
