so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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