i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
