is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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