I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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