I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
