the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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