No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
