can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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