What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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