hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize