i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
