I'm going to jail i love you
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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