Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
