I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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