i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
