**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
