At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
