I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
