The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
