I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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