I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
