I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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