i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
