just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
