Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
