I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
