Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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