i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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