I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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