So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
