He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
