K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
