I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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