she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
