I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
