I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize