I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
