hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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