Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
