well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
