I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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