I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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