When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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