New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
