did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
