I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
