no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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