I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
