wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize