Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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