Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
