apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
