I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
