Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
