In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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