Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
