were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
