If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come share oat with me in your robe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
