I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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