we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
