I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
