i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize