i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
