I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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