I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
