I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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