I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Green mimosas i think yes
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
