omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
