I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize