my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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