when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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